Money can be a topic of tension and stress all year round, but especially comes to the forefront during the holiday season. You may feel tension and distress over money issues, or money may be a source of tension in your primary relationship; either way, it is important to approach this season with intention and an actionable plan to keep the stress to a minimum and finally feel in control of your finances!
While it may seem like being in debt is the norm “this is always how it goes”- spending too much and then dreading the credit card bills that show up in January, it doesn’t have to be this way. You can make small step changes that can make a big difference in how you manage both your time and money in the next month.
Start with creating some time and space in your schedule to pause, think, plan and execute.
Here are some things to consider:
1.Decide who you want and need to buy presents for this holiday season. Spend a few minutes narrowing down your list. If you come from a large family where everyone is expected to buy for everyone else, perhaps have the conversation that in these economic times, you’d like to explore the idea of just drawing names for extended family gifts.
2.Take the time to ask the people closest to you what they really want or need. There’s no point in buying Mom a new kitchen gadget if she already has three in the drawer that she is not using. Consider what gifts are the most well thought out, versus the most expensive.
People appreciate gifts that are meaningful more than gifts that are just expensive.
3.Look at your monthly bills. Realistically, how much extra is there if you have not been saving up to buy gifts. In other words, what can you actually afford- without stressing, going over budget and then regretting it later. One way to think about this, is how do I want to feel in January when the credit card bills come in? Do I want to feel like I made good decisions with my money and I’m not in more debt than what I can pay off in a month?
4. Ask yourself WHY you have previously allowed yourself to go into debt over the holidays. In other words, look at the emotional component of what has driven you into debt over the holidays in the past. Is it a concern that your older sister is more well off and you feel like you have to keep up in order not to be gossiped about? Is it that there is a family member that is way too vocal if their present doesn’t add up to the amount they think it should? Remind yourself that what matters is the heart behind the giving, not the price tag on the gift. Your job is to be mindful of what you can and cannot do so you take care of you while you thoughtfully buy presents for others.
5. Take Control of what is Yours and let go of the rest. When considering that in the past you may not have been buying gifts with the right mindset – that is, avoiding others wrath of being compared, remind yourself that none of us can control what others think or how they behave. We can choose however to honor ourselves by not creating extra stress and debt. We can also set boundaries with people who are behaving badly or are shallow enough to be verbally making comparisons.
6. Make a monthly and weekly budget along with the final list of who you will buy for.
Put your budget in writing. Create a tracker and every time you purchase a gift at a store or online, track it. While this may seem cumbersome, if you create a tracker, I’m sure someone has an app for this, then you have a visual each day and week that shows you if you are staying on target. We will often think twice before making a purchase when we are tracking all of our purchases and seeing if we are within our budget.
7. Kiddos need much less than you think they do. While it’s great for a kid to have the latest and greatest, even better is to buy them things that force them away from technology, and into games or outside activities. Most little kids have way too many toys, and most older kids have way too much tech, so be mindful and step out of the box of thinking that kids “have to have…____.” Some of the happiest kids I’ve seen live in other countries, have very little, and are using their imaginations and playing outside.
8. If you are partnered, have meaningful conversations about how you will do money and the holidays different this year. Talk about what really matters to you, your observations about how you have both approached this topic in the past, and why it matters to you to approach this year differently. Share from the heart the stress you have felt each year when one or both of you breaks the family bank over the holidays. Brainstorm together simple ideas about how to shift into a new way. Write down all the ideas each of you come up with… then go back and discuss each idea with an open mind until you can make some agreements of what both of you will do differently. Be sure to write down your agreements for accountability.
In the end, you don’t have to keep repeating the same patterns that have caused tension, stress and financial ruin for yourself and /or in your relationship. With a little planning and some meaningful heart to heart conversation, you can set the stage to approach these holidays in a way that will truly bring you joy!
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