How our Beliefs and Biases Shape our Reality

When did you stop being curious?  Stop you say… maybe you still are.  For too many however, the curiosity they experienced as a child is in the rearview mirror.

When did you stop asking questions to glean more information?  Believed something just because someone said it over and over, or glommed onto an idea because your closest friends believe it, and well, of course they can be trusted, right?

Unlike a curious toddler who repeats “why” incessantly, or a child who takes things apart because they want to know what’s inside or how something works, too many of us have lost the art of curiosity and critical  thinking.

That may seem like a no big deal ordeal, however, think about the consequences of no longer flexing your curiosity muscle.

Not being curious means we are more vulnerable to taking in information that may or may not be accurate, that we may begin to think of as truth.

This is in part, how immoral and unethical behavior can become “normalized.”

 If the information is repeated again and again and there is no curiosity or critical thinking  to challenge or question that information or even pause to consider that it may be wildly inaccurate, that leaves us likely to just blindly believe it, and that comes with immense consequences.

Perhaps you are someone who is single and entering the dating pool again.  You know what kind of person you are hoping for… you want them to be of good character, intelligent, kind, smart and perhaps funny and attractive.

So you go on dates; thinking, wondering and hoping that these traits are present in the person you are now spending time with, i.e., dating. You begin to ascribe these traits to your new person.

But what happens when they begin to show a controlling side?  Maybe they initially do it in a way that makes them seem like a “take charge” person- a quality you admire.

But after time, that controlling side becomes more controlling… more rigid, demanding, dismissive and condemning. 

Are you more likely to believe the “evidence” of what this person is currently demonstrating? Or, will you cling to the belief that they are who you want them to be? Will you be curious to pay attention to these behaviors, or close minded and ignore these red flag signs- because you already decided they are who you want?

How does being open minded and curious affect your thoughts, opinions, and values?

Do you shut out other people because they have differing thoughts, opinions and values, or do you believe they have value too and can be someone you can be curious about and learn from?

Part of the tragedy of losing our open mindedness and curiosity is the resulting bias that can occur.  Instead of being open, now we are closed -minded, rigid and inflexible.  We may think unless this person shares my exact same view points, we can’t talk, be friends or have an open conversation that feels safe.

Our closed mindedness, rigid beliefs, and lack of critical thinking can and is poisoning the well of our humanity as we judge first ( instead of love first) and then quickly cast perceived “others” into boxes with labels that changes our behavior towards them.

Why are we biased – or for some- racist, hate-ist, sexist, misogynist or homophobic towards people who are different from us?

What would our behavior towards others who are different from us look like if curiosity and love prevailed and how would that manifest differently in our words and actions?

How many concepts, ideas, or beliefs have you bought into because a parent, partner, boss, leader or politician said so?  How many ideologies have you stopped questioning?  How many toxic people, concepts, ideas and comments have you labeled as acceptable in the name of preserving the status quo, or not wanting to seem difficult or disagreeable?

Have you put thought into the sources of your information? Are they mentally sound? Are they mentally/ emotionally fit?  What do you hear when this person speaks?  Does it sound more like a child who is bullying and condemning others?  Do they have an agenda at your expense?  How do they treat others who are different from them?  How do they show respect for the level of authority they have been granted?  Do they keep pushing the boundaries at other’s expense?  Are they able to demonstrate a shred of human dignity and decency towards others who are not “like them?” 

Is the person or people you are believing able to demonstrate any emotional self regulation or emotional control? In other words, are they able to manage themselves appropriately?

Our prior experiences, the beliefs of the closest people around us, and our own biases can absolutely shape our reality. 

Sadly, once we have told our self a story, too often we only look and see the evidence that supports our story (our beliefs) instead of staying open minded and curious to refute or challenge people, things and ideas that are absolutely unacceptable.

As you read this, I hope to encourage you… in your personal and work life, and in the political climate we find ourselves in, begin to rekindle some of that child like curiosity.

Don’t believe and embrace what you see, hear or read, or take someone’s word just because it’s what you hope for, what others around you believe, what you were raised to believe, or live on autopilot based on your cognitive beliefs that got put in place long ago from your family of origin conditioning.

Start today.  Question everything.  Do your own research. Be relentless in the pursuit of what is true and accurate, not just because those in authority- past or present convinced you that this is “how it should be”.  Don’t ignore evidence that can literally make the difference between your own personal, physical and emotional safety.

Be willing to challenge your own thoughts, your own conclusions and take a fresh look at evidence that is right in front of you. Take the time out of your busyness to engage in critical thinking.

Your life, health, relationships, community and country depend on you continuing to think,

challenge, question and let curiosity lead.