Building Resilience in Challenging Times

As I write this, I am knee deep in helping my 92 y o mother sift through the contents of her home-the closets, cabinets and drawers seem to have taken on a life of their own multiplying in items to purge, clean, shred, donate and organize. 

My dad is in the hospital with some pretty serious health issues. He is 87. In the meanwhile, I have many clients, friends and other family members facing challenges that stem from their own health issues; Covid recovery, injuries and more.

I am nursing a significant rib injury as I write this, but at least I was having fun and challenging myself when my injury occurred during my first- and what may be my only- Juijitsu class I took with my daughter. (No regrets by the way- I’d do it again even if I could have seen the end in the beginning.)

I observe many people I know, stressed about financial issues, the politics of our country…distress about climate change, natural disasters, concerns of AI being unregulated and seemingly few guardrails around something that seems to have already outwitted the humans creating it.

There is a lot to feel concerned about.  Most of us are experiencing Disruption. Discontent.  Dis-ease. Distress.

 How to deal with it all can create its own overwhelm and anxiety, especially when issues and challenges hit globally, nationally and personally.

Rather than dive into every possible topic of distress, let’s take a deeper dive into the idea of resilience.

Resilience does not mean that we are looking to go back to exactly the way things were before “X” happened.  That is nearly impossible.  Every experience changes us.  It shapes the way we see the world and the way we interpret events, especially with the more impactful challenges.

So, if resilience is not going back to the way things were, or the way we were, then how might we think about what resilience is and what it looks like?

Resilience is the ability to cope well through and after a major challenge.  It is the ability to withstand discomfort, be ok through challenges whose outcomes are still unknown, and to weather the storms with the mindset that you will be changed, yet stronger, perhaps wiser, and even more capable when you come out the other side.

Some think of resilience as the ability to bounce back.  The ability to soldier on in the face of adversity.  The ability to not give up when it’s not looking good for your team, your job or your finances.

Regardless of your exact definition, we can likely agree that there are some basic things we can all do to increase our ability to be resilient.

- Identify what is and is not in your control.  I cannot control global warming, but I can control what kind of car I drive, that I recycle, and how I conserve resources. I can do my part to make the planet better and not worse.

- Identify and make a plan for self care.  There are many outcomes we cannot control- the health of a loved one, how long an injury may take to heal, but we can control our diet, how much we work and play, how we make time to nurture our self, work out and move our body. We can control that we make time for our emotional and mental health and wellbeing.

- Make time for who and what matters most. Spending time where you are present with the people you like and love matters greatly to your wellbeing. Making time for your partner or significant other, your kiddos whether they live at home or have flown the coop, and enjoying the company of good friends, sustains us and helps us thrive during difficult times.

- Focus on priorities. This is not a time to be on autopilot doing what you have always done, the way you have always done it.  These challenging times call for novel thinking, checking in with your mindset, getting support and help where and when you need it, and being intentional with your daily routines to focus on what matters most.

- Take a news fast or limit your exposure.  The news is often bleak.  And at times it is horrific. Wars, natural disasters, climate concerns, job losses, can be depressing for those with empathy who care about others and their plight around the world and in our own communities.  Allowing a constant diet of exposure to this is overwhelming and anxiety provoking. Go back to the first to do on this list.

- Take action where possible.  Donate and /or volunteer to a cause you believe in. There are so many organizations locally, nationally and internationally that can benefit by your dollars, prayers, your time and your sweat.  Helping others is truly where our happiness comes from for most of us. It is a bi product of serving and knowing we are making a difference.  We can take action now.

- Tap into your faith now and often.   For many of us, this is a great source of strength and comfort.  We can pray, meditate, journal or attend mass, church, synagogue or whatever religious or spiritual service that is meaningful for you.  Remembering that there is a higher power greater than us often brings a sense of peace in the midst of the storm.

In the end, resilience is about mindset, about hoping and praying for the best outcomes as you take control of yourself first and then make yourself available for others.  Like the message of the flight attendant on aircraft to “put your own oxygen mask on first in the event of an emergency”, the same concept holds true as we face unprecedented challenges in all facets of our lives.  We can emerge resilient in the face of so many unknowns if we are intentional and remember our humanity.