When Someday Becomes Never

What is it about human nature that we put things off in hopes of a someday that may or may not ever arrive?

Have you heard yourself say it... Some day when the kids are grown we'll take that vacation, or someday we'll take the whole family and drive those 4 hours to go see the grandparents...

Someday I'll quit my stressful job and pursue the career I really want.  Maybe your somedays sound like, someday I'll really stop working so many hours, play with the kids more, or get more involved with community and serving.

Somedays can really trap us with the illusion that we will do the thing that we "hope to do someday."

The tragedy of "someday thinking" is that sometimes Some Day never comes. The consequence is we miss out, feel guilt or regret that we didn't spend more time with our aging parents, didn't take the vacation to Europe we always wanted, or didn't roll around on the floor with our kiddos before they grew up and didn't want to anymore.

The issue with someday is that it's not on the calendar.  It's not like a Tuesday or a Saturday where we just schedule a trip, attend an event, or schedule a special date night with our partner or spouse. Our somedays are not on the schedule.

In the absence of a concrete event, trip or appointment  scheduled in our calendar, our somedays become just an idea, and too often just an illusion- this thing we tell ourself we will do in the far off future.

Have you ever asked yourself the cost of someday thinking?  Someday thinking assumes we will still be here in the far off future... it also assumes those we love will be here too. 

Recently a friend who spends a lot of time around seniors ( the 65+ crowd) asked a group of them how far away their extended family lives.  About half had family - including grandkids- that live within 60 minutes away.  When asked how often their family makes time to come see them, the response was- "not very."

Granted, many families have strained or dysfunctional relationships... and the hope there of course is that we learn to own what is ours to own, set healthy boundaries where needed and show up with a healthy dose of compassion for ourselves and our parents who raised us.   For parents and grandparents that are not so emotionally unhealthy  to be considered toxic, how often are you making time to see them?

The hope and intent of this blog, is to motivate you to think... to consider who and what really matters now, and what can and ought to be put off into the future- but to be intentionally about it.  If you can't get to Europe this year, perhaps you start a travel savings account and plan for that trip next year.

Maybe you start to say no to working 6 days a week and plan that trip to take your family to go see the grandparents. If you have littles it may not be "easy" but it will very likely be worthwhile.

What is at stake when we don't think, value and plan for what we say we really want to do- see- or experience?

When your time here is finished, do you want to be able to feel satisfaction that you did all or most of your someday list, or, are you ok with having regrets and too many " I should have..." thoughts?

In the very lean years of my life, travel as a single mom with three kids felt ( and really was) impossible as we were just scraping by during many of those years... and... I've also discovered that with some research and planning travel to really nice places is possible on a budget when you are willing to perhaps be a little inconvenienced at times or not stay at the top resort in the area.

And someday does not have to involve a lot of time or money... instead of waiting for our partner to add some pizzazz to liven up the relationship, we can choose to get creative to take the initiative.  Rather than think in terms of someday, perhaps you might ask yourself what would be possible and beneficial now?

Have you considered the impact of those around you that you love most, if you took a day off of work just to play with the kids, or treat your partner to a spontaneous play date?

Load up the kiddos and call the grandparents this weekend to say, "we're coming!"

Volunteer at your local food bank or shelter to say I can contribute to my community now- I don't have to wait to serve.

Somedays are great for dreaming.   But if you don't intend to really truly act on them in any kind of intentional way, than perhaps let's call them "daydreams".

You are the architect of your life!  Your choices determine your level of contentment, the quality of your health and relationships.  Don't fall into the trap of someday thinking.  Go get the medical check up. Plan the trip. Visit the grandparents. Go skydiving. Learn a language. Take up tennis or pickleball, or make a commitment to recommit to your relationship.  Take your partner out for a spontaneous date doing that thing they keep talking about.

All we have is right here and now.  Make the most of it.  Life is short, live it well so you can thrive!