5 Ways to Overcome Fear

As I write this,  today is my anniversary of jumping out of a perfectly good plane many years ago. I was a freshman at Bowling Green State University when I realized I was no longer bound by the rules of my family home, and jumping out of an airplane struck me as both fun and terrifying.  My roommate was completely not interested in joining me in this adventure and neither were any of my friends or floormates.

So, I did it alone.  I jumped static line- more terrifying then jumping tandem, as you rely on something that resembles a dog leash tethered to both you and the plane, to work... so that you can live to tell about your experience.

I was scared to death. Knees knocking, I recall bargaining with God in the plane... God, if you let me live, I promise to not do anything this crazy ever again.  (We both kept our promises.)

Fast forward: there is a lot to be fearful of right now and jumping out of planes isn't usually one of them for most people.

So how do we live during these unpredictable, turbulent, frightening times and not succumb to the fear that can so easily paralyze us, contribute to depression and anxiety, and rob us of moments of joy?

1. Write down your very specific Fears.  Be sure that you avoid globalizing words such as always, never, forever, can't, should / should not, and other words that stop our brain from actually thinking and doing it's job.  Writing the fears down gives us something tangible to work with and seek to understand. 

2. Name your Fears.  There is something empowering about giving something we dread a name. We can call our anxiety feelings, "Annie" or refer to our fear as "Freddie Fear"... OH look who showed up just now... Freddie Fear or Nervous Nellie.  If it makes you laugh for a moment all the better.  Only when we identify and name something can we go on to the thought process of what our options are to deal with it.

3. Learn Some Tools. While we only have space here  for so many, here are a few to get you started. Deep breathe as you think about your specific fear.  Learning to bi -laterally tap while you deep breathe- even better.  The more you work to calm your brain, especially your limbic or emotional brain, the more likely your rational thinking brain can become available to you. Counting backwards, or raising your hands and feet while saying "I am here," is another grounding/ calming tool.

4. Listen to your own Thoughts.   This matters because this is your internal story.  The more we repeat a story to ourself, the more our brain will believe it- even if it is not based in reality.  Our brain will believe whatever we tell it repeatedly.  So, hear your thoughts and stay aware of them because they are powerful and they drive both your feelings and behaviors. 

5. Replace the fear thoughts with Accurate Thoughts.  In other words, reframe your story.  If this happens, then what?  That opens the door to consider what options you have.  If my worst fear comes to fruition, I can choose blank, blank or blank... in other words, consider which options are even possibly available to you if the worst happens.  Remind yourself if a fear comes to be, what the silver lining could be both now and in the future. Think in "possibility" thoughts.

These are unprecedented times.  Many of the things we have come to take for granted, for many people are becoming unpredictable.  Remind yourself that your fears are yours. They matter to you and to your family. 

Additionally, this is a time to lean into family, friends and community.  We all need each other now more than ever.

Take care of yourself, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually... in every way.  Don't let fear stop you. Acknowledge it as you make choices to propel you forward despite the circumstances we cannot control.