5 Ways to Put Your Phone Down!

We think it is safe to say that most of us have become addicted to our phones.  I see evidence of this everywhere. I have taken walks in a beautiful local park only to watch people walk by me glued to their phones instead of eyes gazing at the awe -inspiring scenery all around us here in Kitsap!

I was reminded recently the fall out of parents who are unable to put down their phones when a teenage client shared with me recently that she recalls vividly as a young child just wanting her daddy's attention.  She would jump in his lap, excitedly inviting her daddy to "play with me, play with me."   She recalls her dad,  murmuring an "ok" but rarely putting the phone down to engage.

If that is you, whether your child is a toddler, elementary aged, or a teen, start the counseling savings jar now... because you are going to need it.

Kids' currency is attention.  It is the most significant way they feel seen, heard and delighted in- essential for the development of healthy self esteem.

A child who is constantly told "Later" feels unimportant, uncared for, unseen and unheard, and UN Delighted in... and if that is not grammatically correct, well you still get the idea.

Put your phone down and engage.  Engage with yourself, your thoughts and your feelings. Engage and connect with your partner, with your child or children, and with your friends.  Engage and be present at work or in your business to stay focused, on task and productive. 

This is how we keep our human-ness and our human connection in the midst of unprecedented developments in technology. 

Yes, information is great. I love learning. Getting answers at the blink of an eye- fantastic. 

But even better than all of that? Connecting with the ones you love, like and live with.

So try this.  

• Set times that you will be on or check your phone. - Much like taking control of how often and when you read and respond to emails or other notifications, put yourself on a phone diet as well.  Even if you check your phone 3-4 times a day, be strategic about scheduling when you will be on it.

• Practice looking at people eye ball to eye ball which is only possible when the phone is put away.  Notice what it feels like to actually engage with people, talking with them and not at them.  This is especially important with our partners and children. 

• Limit the amount of time you are on the phone.  When it is your scheduled time to be on your phone, decide in advance how long you will be on it.  Stick to whatever boundaries you have set for yourself.

• Avoid phone use at certain key times of the day.  That may be first thing in the morning you have a no phone policy so you can create a morning routine that works great for you ( and your loved ones) without distraction.  Avoiding the phone the first thing when you arrive home so you can really see the people at your house and be present with them goes a long way to creating fulfilling and meaningful relationships.

• Create some phone rules as a family.  That may mean no phone use at the table during dinner.  ( what -no family dinners happening? Bring that back to the table!). Your teens may groan and that is ok.  Because though they may not tell you, they want and need to be seen and heard - something impossible to do when they or you are on the phone.  Get the basket and collect the phones ( including yours) during dinner and /or family time.

Notice what it feels like to be more present. Notice the look on your child's face when you engage with her.  Notice the difference in cooperation and behavior when you see, talk with and connect with your child.  Notice when you share that you like them, enjoy playing or hanging out with them what happens to their face and body language. 

Too often parents only notice and take action when their child either acts out ( "mis -behaves") or when they perform well which creates kids who act out for any kind of attention ( negative attention registers in their brain as better than no attention). Kids who are only "seen" when they perform or excel often end up with perfectionism issues because that becomes the only time they feel seen.  

So, let's put the phones down and see each other, connect and engage.  Just because the tech is available doesn't mean we have to sacrifice ourself and our loved ones to use it.

And, if you don't believe me, at least be curious and try the above suggestions for 30 days and see what you notice.  Record your observations in yourself; your stress levels, your ability to feel more connected to your loved ones, and journal what you notice in your kiddos.  Go back and read your journal after a month.  

Then decide if you want to let technology rule or if you are ready to create an intentional family life where everyone gets to thrive.