Let's Create Less Holiday Stress

The holidays are upon us. While some of us embrace the opportunities for family, food, football and fun, others approach the holidays with increased stress and trepidation at the mere thought of being around extended family. 

For many, family is fraught with difficulty.  Whether you have an aunt, who passively aggressively asks why you are still single, or the drunken uncle that can't seem to hold his liquor, the struggles are real in many families.

As the saying goes  you can pick your friends but you can't help who your family is.   So we need a plan to prevent  a lovely celebration from turning into emotional chaos in short order- often easier said than done.

First off choose a beneficial perspective.  Ask yourself, in the big picture, might I choose to deal with my nosey inappropriate aunt another way?  You might choose to change the topic asking your aunt questions about her life, set a boundary, or keep your distance. 

Choose your attitude and set boundaries as needed.  The time we spend with others for the holidays is often brief.  However, it may  be necessary  to set boundaries with family members who are truly out of line.  We do not have to tolerate others bad behavior just because they are family.

If you have a relative who does not respond when you attempt to tactfully shift the conversation away from a hot topic, then you may need to set a stronger boundary.  This is difficult for some who are not used to setting boundaries. 

You might start now with practicing setting smaller boundaries as needed.  And for the bigger boundaries, an idea  may be to share that you are willing to talk about anything other than ___. 

It just makes sense to avoid hot topics like politics, gossip of family members and anything else we know can set off a family member into orbit.

Consider showing up this year to the Thanksgiving table with two added ingredients:  Compassion and curiosity.  Those family members that are the hardest to get along with are often the ones that are hurting the most.  While we don't need to tolerate bad behavior, we can meet it with compassion.  Sometimes the best response is one that contains both compassion and boundaries.  

As much as it is possible, surround yourself with the members of your family that feel safe and enjoyable.  Focus on who and what matters most.  A day of gratitude, family and friends.