The importance of Human Connection in the Age of AI : How it impacts our Mental, Emotional and Relational Wellbeing

Why We Are Not Meant to Do Life Alone.

I have always been a thinker. Inquisitive. Curious.  I was the kid ( you can insert nerdy- it’s ok) who turned on the light switch and wanted to know why and how it worked.  How does this airplane with all its immense weight actually hurl itself airborne from the ground?  That was (and still is) me. Bring on the curiosity, the 100 questions and wonderings of the world. Let’s wonder about these things together.

The latter is the purpose of this blog- the together part. 

I have learned to be content being partnered and learned and practiced being content solo.

There is a bible verse that speaks to this.  ( for the curious, it is Phil: 4:11… for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.)

Learning to be content, whatsoever one’s circumstances is a way towards having satisfaction and fulfillment in life.  However, there is one BIG caveat.

We are not meant to do this life completely solo. Or, I would add, completely siloed if we have a partner.

How many people have you known, and been friends with, and the minute they start dating someone, they put zero or little effort into your friendship?  What does that feel like?  What do you notice when that happens?

We humans need other (safe) humans for human connection. CONSISTENTLY.

That’s the bottom line.  We can be on our own in work, at home, and be content, AND we need to craft a life that includes safe others for regular and meaningful connection.

While it’s true that some of us are introverts (and may think you really don’t need others much) and some of us are extroverts, and some like me are ambiverts ( I recharge and energize around others and in my alone time and have as much preference for one as the other) I am keenly aware, that if I am going to be well, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally, I need the company of others I like and or love.

Some additional observations beyond my own life:

As a holistic counselor I hear your stories.  I am reminded of current and past clients who present with anxiety, depression and relationship challenges who also never invested in real friendships.

They report immense loneliness.  I meet couples who have few if any friendships outside of each other. They struggle with an overdependence (sometimes co-dependance on one another.)

While anxiety and depression are rooted in many different causes, some genetic and predisposed; others that are biological and /or learned behaviors, one theme I observe is isolation.  Depression and /or Anxiety often cause us to want to isolate.

The isolation – little contact if any, with (emotionally safe) people fuels more depression and anxiety. And on the cycle goes.

We cannot be well in a vacuum.  We cannot be fully well on an island-siloed at home or at work. 

We humans need other humans.  We need Connection. Creation. Collaboration. Community.

In that space, we thrive- or at least we have the potential to thrive.

At a time when AI is encroaching on  a considerable amount of our lives, for some, our jobs and the way we do life, it is more important than ever to maintain our human connections, creations, collaborations, and community.

It means we have to value that. We have to make the effort for nurturing the friendships we do have and make space for future friends that could provide meaningful relationships and connections down the road.  And making time, space and willingness to offer compassion and vulnerability will also be required.

But isn’t that what separates us from the bots? Our humanness. Our fragility. Our vulnerability.  Our kindness and compassion to and with other humans.

There is a mass of research on happiness and wellbeing that consistently points to satisfying relationships as the no. 1 reason for happiness – this is true now and can take on even greater importance as we age and go through life phases of empty nest and beyond.

I recently attended a documentary held at Vibe Coworks in Poulsbo called “Join or Die” which largely follows a sociologist who documents how our previous society  was more collaborative, more involved in civic organizations and more connected. They recommended a book called “Bowling Alone,” by Robert Putnam. ( the aforementioned sociologist). While I have not read it yet, I have taken a dive into another book I received at the event called “Belonging” the Science of Connection and Bridging Divides by Geoffrey L. Cohen, that I am currently enjoying.

The premise; people belonged to things… PTA, churches, civic organizations, veterans groups, bowling leagues, and that is where they connected and formed relationships beyond the isolation of the typical nuclear family of today.

And while no previous era was perfect, I believe that committing to community and to being intentional with how we connect and care for one another matters more now than ever.

Your choice today- to connect in safe ways with another human, be it a partner, friend, neighbor or someone in the community greatly affects your health today and the health and happiness of future you tomorrow.

You can hear the voice in your head… the “I’m too busy” voice, or the “I don’t have time for that” voice and let it stop you,  or you can hear it, set it aside and start asking HOW can I do that?

What that connection looks like is up to you.  It could mean having friends you  hike with.  It may mean a friend group that you regularly dine with. Perhaps if you are a mom with young children, joining other moms for kid playtime, and adult talk time.

It could mean joining a ski, golf, hiking or book club, taking a cooking class or just immersing yourself in places around people that you are likely to have something in common with.

This important thing I am writing about – began with my own loneliness journey.

 I had a partner. I felt unseen, unsupported and isolated as a wife, woman and entrepreneur.   I knew if I felt that way, others surely must as well.

Live Well Kitsap was born out of a desire to connect. To feel supported and offer support to small or micro businesses like mine.  In the depths of my most contemplative reflective parts, I knew there was a better way.  And it involved people.  Safe others. Collaboration. Support. Communication. The sharing of ideas. Seeing one another and supporting one another. Not connecting with community was no longer an option. So I created a community ( with a lot of help from  awesome others) one that younger me would have wanted to be a part of.

Today I make sure I not only value but nurture the relationships with the people that matter to me.  I love connecting with every new business owner I sit with one on one… I love listening to their story, their needs, their goals and dreams… where they are excelling and where they are feeling challenged.

Both personally and professionally, its about slowing down long enough to be intentional about making connections.  It’s finding joy in helping others reach and achieve their goals and dreams.

In an age of uncertainty, confusion, chaos, and the abandonment of community as a value,  I will keep pressing on to connect, engage in community in person, to see our differences and show up compassionate - not give them  power or permission to ignore or mistrust those who are different (or even look or believe different ).  Our differences can lead us to compassion if we allow it. 

My hope: you will participate in the following actionable steps

1. RECONNECT WITH YOU FIRST.   Dive deep while in a safe and quiet space. Reconnect and get honest with your own dissatisfactions, mental health issues, relationship challenges and values.   What is within your power to shift, pivot or change?

2. MAKE TIME FOR MEANINGFUL CONNECTION- with someone you like or love.  Invite that friend for a walk or a coffee that you haven’t seen in 6 months. Call a relative you have not spoken to, invite a coworker for coffee.  Ask your partner out and create a special date in a new place.  Be present and connect.

3. LOOK FOR PEOPLE AND PLACES TO COLLABORATE IF YOU ARE A BUSINESS OWNER OR LEADER- It’s not just about your own ideas, or worse yet, surrounding yourself with “yes” people.  Really tap into the collective wisdom, experience, strengths and creativity of the people in your organization and beyond. Set your ego aside, ask good questions and make it safe for people to share their ideas and knowledge. Tap into networking groups that can help you grow and thrive!

4. JOIN JOIN JOIN- Pick an organization that is meaningful to you that you can connect with, get behind, or one that has a mission that stokes your passion. Whether it’s a religious organization, a club, a cause, a sport, an activity…  JOIN something.

5. VALUE THE INNATE NEED FOR HUMAN CONNECTION.  Don’t let AI over run your life to the point you convince yourself that human connection beyond your partner or best friend is unnecessary.  Invest some time and energy to nurture existing relationships and create safe and appropriate other relationships that provide support, connection and fun.

   
   

In a world of chaos and crazy… a world that tells us via social media what we “should be” we need each other now more than ever. Safe and appropriate, CONNECTION. COLLABORATION. CREATIVITY. COMMUNITY.

Let’s continue the conversation.  lesli@livewellkitsap.com