Questioning the Status Quo

How many times have you heard someone say, “well, that’s just the way it is”?

Perhaps you have said that once or twice before.  It causes me to pause and wonder, how many things in our life, in relationships, health matters, in our country do we just lament, “that’s the way it is.” 

The problem with “that’s just the way it is…” is that it typically causes us to be complacent and accept that which is actually not acceptable. That phrase literally causes our brain to accept something, someone or a situation before we give our brain a chance to even question it, such as:

The boss who is a controlling narcissist.

The relationship- dating or friendship -where one person puts you and /or others down, is rude, entitled, or has to be right about everything.

The food we eat in this country that is actually more chemicals, preservatives, pesticides and artificial coloring, than anything that can be called real food  in the middle aisles of most grocery stores, that is passed off as food.

The company that offers poor quality products or services and won’t make it right.

The scammers who prey on elderly people, the vulnerable or unsuspecting.

Political divisiveness that causes family members and friends to cease contact.

The diagnosis that we don’t think to get a second opinion on.

And so many more scenarios  we tell ourselves are not in our control and “there is nothing we can do about it.”

The problem is, as soon as we tell ourselves the thought, “Well, that’s the way it is”, followed by “there is nothing we can do about it,” you are right.  Because you are telling your brain to close that door and move on.

When we pause long enough to realize what we are really dealing with, whether it is injustice, someone else’s poor or unacceptable behavior, an intolerable boss or a relationship that causes us to shrink or be a shell of our former self, and  we think “that is just the way it is”, rather than looking for another job, getting out of a toxic relationship and choosing our own health and wellbeing as priority, we suffer needlessly.

When we get honest with ourselves… and really take the time to notice how we feel in any of these scenarios, and when we choose our own value and worth – believing we have value and worth despite what someone else said or how they treated us- we can then make space to start questioning what we've been accepting.

  When we stop tolerating the unacceptable and start making decisions- sometimes uncomfortable decisions, we can take our power back and not shut down with the familiar story of "that’s the way it is, nothing I can do".

I’ve worked with hundreds of people who felt stuck because they stopped considering what actually COULD be in their control, what actions they COULD take to have a different outcome.

I’ve seen employers keep employees who lie, steal or cheat, because “they are such a good employee in every other way”.

Partners who stayed in toxic abusive relationships because they made excuses for their partners bad behavior.

People who choose to stay at jobs that are literally taking years off their lives because of the stress of a toxic work environment.

There are always going to be aspects of a situation that we cannot control. With that said, we often overlook or don’t consider aspects of a situation we can control or influence. It is our very own thoughts that shut us down.

It is empowering to set boundaries.  You are taking back your power when you say no to people or situations that are intolerable or unacceptable.

If you need help to consider options, direction or help with setting boundaries to no longer accept the unacceptable, there are counselors, life and health coaches on the Live Well Kitsap site.  Livewellkitsap.com/mind-your-health.